We finished working on the EP that we’re releasing this June (more on that very soon!) sometime in December. By mid January the songs were done and I was exhausted. I tried to push through that exhaustion to put out that music asap. I’m really excited to share what we’ve been quietly up to! But I was tired. I went and saw one of my teachers, Ama Nkwa — fully expecting to be told to push through. But I told her I was tired and she told me to rest. She reminded me that our Ancestors honored the seasons. “It’s not meant to be spring time all the time.”
So I honored where I was at and we pushed back the EP release by a few months to give me time. For weeks on end I wandered, and napped, and read, and ate soup. I played video games first thing in the morning. I sat by fire pits and danced by crashing waves. I did a whole lot of nothing and it was glorious. It was also kind of hard! I felt a little bad to be doing something that felt indulgent while the world was doing what it’s doing. There were bills to pay and plans to figure out and my partner in love and life and music Mike was doing all kinds of work. But we’re a team and he kept telling me to rest, too. We’re a team and I’m learning through him what that actually means. Even as I stepped back there was no shortage of brilliant individuals who stepped forward. We may not all know each other, but I think more and more of us are finding one another. We’re holding the same space and working towards the same ends. And through us, through them, I’m learning what community actually means.
We are taught to adhere to the lie that our worth is rooted in how much we can produce. Rather than look to the world, we should look to the earth. We are meant to follow the seasons. There are seasons of planting, and seasons of harvest. Seasons of learning, and seasons of teaching. Seasons of healing, and seasons of holding space. Seasons of producing, and seasons of sharing. Right now, on the other side of a long rest and a good time, I am squarely in the latter of all of those seasons. Which means that I’m going to start sharing a lot more than I’m used to. This makes me very uncomfortable if I think too much about it! I am a highly sensitive empath. So before we really get going - I’m going to just go ahead and say that I probably won’t respond/ react all that much to the responses to my work. But please know that your words and your shares and your excitement to witness me at work, is seen and felt and appreciated. I also want to make clear that I’m rooting for all of us. I believe in all of us. I see what’s true in all of us. But to quote the brilliant Staci Jordan Shelton “I’m not nice, I’m kind.”
If I set a boundary or say something - and you feel shame or angst or panic as a result, then know that that’s not me or mine. I don’t shame people - so if you feel it, own it and be with it, so you can heal it. If you try to give it to me, I will give it back. Lastly, if you enter into my space, or interact with my work, then I’m trusting that you know what you’re getting: access to my wholeness. I am very close friends with my rage and my sadness. I won’t apologize for either.
I do create with both.